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In the event of a Zombie attack

Posted by buddyscalera on August 10, 2008

Someone asked me, “in the event of a zombie attack, where would you go?”

Before I answer, I should acknowledge that zombies scare the bejesus out of me. Not the slow-moving, blobs from my childhood. No, they were laughable.

Modern zombies from movies like “28 Days Later” and the remake of “Dawn of the Dead.” THOSE zombies are scary. Needless to say, I’ve thought about my Zombie Strategy.

Hospital

For starters, never go to the hospital. That’s probably ground zero for an outbreak. “He’s dying, bring him to the hospital!” No thanks. You will be eaten.

Supermarket

Most people are running to the supermarket, but there are two serious problems: it’s difficult to protect and there are no weapons. Plus, as fresh meat and fish start to spoil, the odor will become unbearable. A good zombie attack often knocks out some of the electrical grid. Adding insult to injury, your double coupons are now worthless.

Mall

As we’ve seen from two movies, the mall is a pretty decent place, since the variety of stores means that you’ll have new items and plenty of food. Those roll-down steel cages are great for keeping the dead at bay and picking them off. The real challenge is a clean sweep, since there are so many places for them to hide. Although, on the bright side, this is one of the rare times you can park in a handicapped spot. I mean, hey, it’s an apocalypse, parking laws are temporarily suspended.

Police Station

The police station might be good, since they have weapons. But it’s also likely that the doors are locked…and the cops inside are probably hunkering down and aiming for “head shots.” Some are marksmen from 100 yards or more, so they wont necessarily know you are simply looking for refuge.

Discount Variety Stores

Stores like K-Mart and Walmart are starting to look particularly attractive, especially if they have a food section. You want something with tools, since you’re going to need to barricade yourself in for a while. If they have a sporting goods section, raid this area first.

Fire Department

Fire departments are great, since firefighters have axes, food, and those big trucks. A second floor with a fire pole is great, since it’s easy to defend. Plus, they will have emergency medical supplies, communications devices, and generators.

Home Sweet Home

Honestly the best place of all is inside your own home. You know the vulnerable entrances (board them up immediately), you have medications for family members, and you have enough food to survive the initial attack. You just have to resist the urge to flee to someplace “safer.”

So…where would YOU goin the event of a zombie outbreak? (It’s just a matter of time!)

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4 Responses to “In the event of a Zombie attack”

  1. I would go down to the local Discoteque because I have it on good authority that Zombies are absolutely mesmerized by any song with a 100 beats a minute rhythm or more rendering them in effectual as a machine for the apocalypse.

  2. Alan said

    If there was a zombie attack, the first place I’d go is a crowded room full of zombies…because living is a terrible thing, even now…

  3. Dan Coyle said

    Well, here’s the thing:

    I’d grab a car with a low amount of mileage on it. Probably a sedan or an SUV.

    I’d load it up with food and water, and cans of gas. I’d crazy glue the windows shut.

    Then I’d put the pedal to the medal and live in that car as I drove as far northeast as possible.

    If you look at all the classic zombie movies, every time the characters slowed down and stopped to shack up, they were completely fucked. I’d only stop for occasional supplies and maybe a nap. Keep driving, keep moving until some semblance of order is restore or I just hit a dead end I can’t turn around from.

    Also, I’d have an iPod fired up with the best driving over zombie music. Geto Boys’ “Still”, obviously…

    So in answer to your question, where would I go? The only answer is to keep going.

  4. Jay Cappetta said

    WEll i would get all the provisions i need. Guns ammo you name it. Head to our family boat in the suv. basically pull a dawn of the dead situation but not get off the boat so fuckin fast.

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